the constant struggle to not link everyone to this blog but i feel guilty!! but i feel sad!! but i am scared i might die someday and no one will ever have known this side of me!! that i wont get help for this or stop feeling shitty or realize that i AM shitty and that theres nothing that can be done about it

feels decidedly uncomfortable when no one even bothers to read my poetry

i dont know!! maybe i am a large baby who thinks they can write and thinks their thoughts could possibly affect a lot of people but then!! enters reality!!!

how do you look people in the eye and tell them you want to die and you dont know how to handle it all i can do is look at myself in the mirror and want to tear off chunks of my flesh and cry for the duration of the galaxy. i dont deserve this body or any decent part of my brain im selfish i let people down i hurt their feelings i cant contribute anything meaningful to anyone i cant make meaningful connections i am useless i dont think i deserve to be able to breathe oxygen!! why do i have a relatively decent life it shouldve gone to someone else i never should have been born

i still feel like i dont know how to properly be a human and i should just do myself a favour and stop existing i dont know how to make friends or connections or produce anything of value or do adult things or have an opinion im a vapid empty shell of a person with nothing to contribute to this world!

feels EXTRA bad about telling good friend about bad mental health week when they recently went through a huge sexual crisis (not rape its ok, me) and r still recovering themselves i am a triggering piece of SHIT