I really need help I think???!? I don’t know??? How am I supposed to live another 50 years like this holy shit how am I supposed to live ANOTJER YEAR OF CONSTANTLY FEELING LKKE everyone woul be so much better off if I vanished !!! What the fuck I didn’t sign up for life I never wanted this!!!

I JUSt want to cry forever. Why did I have to be ME why do I have to live as this person I could be anyone else in the world and it’d be an improvement
I think everyone hates or pities me I hope they do because I want to know how useless I am so I can just die already I think there’s a cancer in my goddamn soul I’m so sad

I can’t even lie to myself about not being garbage because I am I’m so EMBARRASSED that I’m alive like holy shit I have a) no talent no substance no real life opinions no goals no accomplishments I’m so shit I’m such utter shit. I wish I could kill myself I’m such a bitter fat ugly meanspirited prejudiced piece of shit

i feel like i have been fairly clear w/ everyone in my iife about being severely depressed like I’ve mentioned it in conversations and talked to people about bad days but like! no one has been reaching out to me so far? posts a little something on blog and no one responds?? am i just unimportant or just friends with a lot of fake ass fucking people? i don’t know whether to be really angry at everyone i know or ashamed of how fucking stupid i am to expect anything from anyone without directly asking for help aybe if i kill myself first then people will notice

i hate when people talk about sex or drugs or even alcohol tbh my friends keep kind of hinting at me that i should try smoking and I’m so full of annoyance i could burst. i don’t give a SHIT I Hate drugs/sex/everything

constantly feels weighed down by guilt and unease and paranoia and anxiety and overwhelming sliding depression /// never happy /// realizes friends are garbage to me then misses them then wishes i’d never met them then quietly escapes from a life with them //// pretends to be funny and happy in front of people and then thinks really hard ’ don’t cry they’re still here you just have to get home’ ///

every version of me that exists doesn’t want to be around anymore wow¬†

i can’t tell my friends when I’m sad but I’m always always sad and bitter and angry so i cut people off!! then feel bad when they live with it and move on!! i didn’t tell you to stop being my friend!!!